Posts
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
got a job
I got a job at one of the biggest health insurance companies. So that's why I haven't posted in a while. In case anyone cares.
Monday, August 18, 2008
I Hate Crocs
Crocs make people feet look like duck feet. Crocs are ugly. Crocs look like they would be really stinky after being worn a couple of times.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Nursery Rhymes We Didn't Have As Kids
- credit: OH! Office Hours Humour
NOTE*** These are way more fun if you sing them to the tune of the original!
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.
Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
..But she didn't wear that one often.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass'
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock..
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
- credit: OH! Office Hours Humour
NOTE*** These are way more fun if you sing them to the tune of the original!
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.
Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
..But she didn't wear that one often.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass'
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock..
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Japanese Game Show
OMG this is some funny stuff... courtesy of my daughter who sendS me some great videos:
BINOCULAR SOCCER
SAY THE PHRASE OR GET HIT IN THE NUTS
BINOCULAR SOCCER
SAY THE PHRASE OR GET HIT IN THE NUTS
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
New Milk Jug Design
According to an article written by Audrey Tempelsman on the blog Dwell there is a new milk jug design that is starting to be sold at Walmart and Costco.
This reminds me of the time, a looong time ago, that my friend MB and I were at this discount store called Xpects. This store has this big section near the front which has tables and racks with really random stuff, the rest of the store has discounted items, the likes of which you would find at CVS or Rite Aid but cheaper.
Anyway, we found this gallon sized soft plastic cube-shaped container filled with white glue on one of the front tables. It really looked bizarre and when I picked it up it was really awkward to handle. We both decided it looked and felt like it was white milk inside and would be good for a practical joke.
We both have a really weird sense of humor that sometimes only we understand.
It was only a couple of bucks so I bought it, then we went to my house and I put it in the fridge. Then when my (ex)husband got home a few hours later it was nice and cold, and I asked him to make me some chocolate milk and to make it in a plastic cup so I could just toss it because I didn't feel like doing any dishes.
So he opens the fridge and says, "What the hell is this?"
I walk into the kitchen, and somehow say with a straight face, "Oh, it's a new recyclable container I found and it was cheaper than the other milk so I decided to get it."
He totally bought it.
So he gets the cup and opens up the glue-milk, then proceeds to try to pour it. Remember, it was really awkward to hold and the cap was on the top of the cube dead center. It starts to pour it (I start to giggle) and it's coming out really slowly.
He says, "I think there is something wrong with this milk."
I swear at this moment I was holding in my laughter so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. I actually needed to run to the bathroom really fast and was laughing hysterically.
"What the hell is so funny???"
I come out and tell him it is white glue.
Can you believe he got mad at me???
(I ended up donating it to my daughter's first grade classroom for art projects)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Stumble!
StumbleUpon is a really cool download. It "discovers Web sites based on your interests, learns what you like, and brings you more." You tell it what kinds of things you like, then after it's set up you click on your Stumble toolbar and you get random stuff according to your likes. You can even add friends to your toolbar and share the things you found with them.
It's great for wasting time and is addictive. Download it now.
I found this picture using Stumble this morning and I just think it's sexy as hell:
The photographer is Joshua Kogan, his website is: http://www.joshuakogan.com
I think I will blog things I have come across on Stumble from time to time. It's fun!
It's great for wasting time and is addictive. Download it now.
I found this picture using Stumble this morning and I just think it's sexy as hell:
The photographer is Joshua Kogan, his website is: http://www.joshuakogan.com
I think I will blog things I have come across on Stumble from time to time. It's fun!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Jackass
Ok, Jackass is my ex-husband. He is very mean and was mentally abusive to me for a very long time. Hence my meds.
He has decided to stop going through support enforcement and give me child support via personal checks. This is a bad idea for him, because they have no way of tracking it. PLUS, he is trying to short me $85.00 a week!
So I pick up my daughter from his house last night. She comes out with the second of these checks. I call him up and tell him I'm not going to cash these checks and that he needs to go through Support Enforcement, which is COURT ORDERED as he has been in contempt for failure to pay prior to this.
His response was "F*** YOU, YOU F***ING C***! F*** F*** F***ING... (click- I just hung up.)
So then he starts yelling out of his window,"GET THE F*** OFF MY LAWN (I was in my car in the driveway) YOU FAT F***!"
Yeah, his new wife is 85 pounds soaking wet. I'm not skinny like that so, whatever.
And of course our 10 year old heard this.
I toss the check out of my car window into his driveway and leave.
This is one of the reasons I take meds for depression and anxiety problems. I was with him for 15 years and 13 of them were like this, but multiply by 100. So this is him being calm. At least I didn't need to call the cops again.
But as I was driving away, I was looking in my rear view mirror to make sure he wasn't following me.
He has decided to stop going through support enforcement and give me child support via personal checks. This is a bad idea for him, because they have no way of tracking it. PLUS, he is trying to short me $85.00 a week!
So I pick up my daughter from his house last night. She comes out with the second of these checks. I call him up and tell him I'm not going to cash these checks and that he needs to go through Support Enforcement, which is COURT ORDERED as he has been in contempt for failure to pay prior to this.
His response was "F*** YOU, YOU F***ING C***! F*** F*** F***ING... (click- I just hung up.)
So then he starts yelling out of his window,"GET THE F*** OFF MY LAWN (I was in my car in the driveway) YOU FAT F***!"
Yeah, his new wife is 85 pounds soaking wet. I'm not skinny like that so, whatever.
And of course our 10 year old heard this.
I toss the check out of my car window into his driveway and leave.
This is one of the reasons I take meds for depression and anxiety problems. I was with him for 15 years and 13 of them were like this, but multiply by 100. So this is him being calm. At least I didn't need to call the cops again.
But as I was driving away, I was looking in my rear view mirror to make sure he wasn't following me.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
ZZ TOP
Last night I went to see ZZ TOP!!!
They really rocked... They started with "Under Pressure" and ended with "Tush." They even played "Chevrolet" which is my theme song for now because I just got a new Impala (well, a 2002 but it's STILL badass)... so OF COURSE I was singing... "Hallelujah... ride my Chevrolet..."
at the TOP of my lungs, and I also sang to all the others and generally screamed and woooo hooooed the rest of the time, so my throat hurts today & I'm a bit raspy but it's all good... and, oh yeah... we sat second row in so we had GREAT seats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the venue was 5 minutes down the road... so no long ride home, just a 30 minute wait to get out of the parking lot and I took a back road home so NO traffic!
They really rocked... They started with "Under Pressure" and ended with "Tush." They even played "Chevrolet" which is my theme song for now because I just got a new Impala (well, a 2002 but it's STILL badass)... so OF COURSE I was singing... "Hallelujah... ride my Chevrolet..."
at the TOP of my lungs, and I also sang to all the others and generally screamed and woooo hooooed the rest of the time, so my throat hurts today & I'm a bit raspy but it's all good... and, oh yeah... we sat second row in so we had GREAT seats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the venue was 5 minutes down the road... so no long ride home, just a 30 minute wait to get out of the parking lot and I took a back road home so NO traffic!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Green Porn
Not the birds and the bees, the bugs and the bees.
It's called "Green Porn" and stars Isabella Rossellini.
She dresses up like different bugs and then shows how they "do it."
Watch it HERE, you perv!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
HOT
It is so freakin' hot. Kids got out of school early because of the heat.
I've never heard of school letting out early because of heat. Snow, yes. But heat?
We have no air conditioner in this apartment. Just fans and cold washcloths.
Tomorrow's temp will be worse. 97 degrees Fahrenheit, 36.11 degrees Celsius, and HUMID. In CONNECTICUT.
UGH.
Check this out. I will soon melt:
I've never heard of school letting out early because of heat. Snow, yes. But heat?
We have no air conditioner in this apartment. Just fans and cold washcloths.
Tomorrow's temp will be worse. 97 degrees Fahrenheit, 36.11 degrees Celsius, and HUMID. In CONNECTICUT.
UGH.
Check this out. I will soon melt:
Thursday, June 5, 2008
http://girlgoyles.blog.com/188610/
This is a link to my old blog's most commented on page, yes it is in reference to Brad Pitt.
Post One
I am not new to blogging but I haven't posted to an old one in so long I decided to just make a new one. One thing still stays the same- Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie still make me sick.
I am not normally a hater. There is just something about them that doesn't sit right with me. I used to LOVE Brad Pitt and always had this odd fascination with Angelina since she was with Billy Bob Thorton because it was the most bizarre relationship publicized.
HORRORS! Star magazine recently published Angelina collapsed because of pregnancy related maladies...
Let's all pray....
HELLO???? Does it even look like Brad is in a panic? They are at the beach and he is helping her up. If I was pregnant with twins, my ass would need helping up too.
Brad and Angelina being together and with all the press about how wonderful and globally PC they are just does not sit right with me. If their lives are actually as flawless and unblemished as we are to believe, then good for them. They have a lot of money and their lives are quite secure because of that. They can afford to adopt a child from every 3rd world country plus have their own. They can rebuild New Orleans all by themselves. They are fabulous. They are the stereotypical "beautiful people." Yay them.
But I don't have to like them. I'll think of a reason later.
I am not normally a hater. There is just something about them that doesn't sit right with me. I used to LOVE Brad Pitt and always had this odd fascination with Angelina since she was with Billy Bob Thorton because it was the most bizarre relationship publicized.
HORRORS! Star magazine recently published Angelina collapsed because of pregnancy related maladies...
Let's all pray....HELLO???? Does it even look like Brad is in a panic? They are at the beach and he is helping her up. If I was pregnant with twins, my ass would need helping up too.
Brad and Angelina being together and with all the press about how wonderful and globally PC they are just does not sit right with me. If their lives are actually as flawless and unblemished as we are to believe, then good for them. They have a lot of money and their lives are quite secure because of that. They can afford to adopt a child from every 3rd world country plus have their own. They can rebuild New Orleans all by themselves. They are fabulous. They are the stereotypical "beautiful people." Yay them.
But I don't have to like them. I'll think of a reason later.
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